Trust is not something that should ever be taken lightly and unfortunately, even those closest to you have the potential to deceive. That being said, I am the most loyal friend anyone could ever dream of, and while I don’t expect the same level of loyalty in return from every single person in my life, I certainly appreciate my friends that also possess this quality. Recently however, I have wondered what is the most appropriate response to an otherwise good friend that behaves in a disloyal way?
Having been the object (I don’t like victim, thank you anyway) of many betrayals both small and large, I have spent a good deal of time pondering the type of response warranted by deceit. First, it is always necessary to assess the scale of deceit, because medium to large deceits are a whole other ballpark. For this conversation’s purpose, we will focus on minor deceits. Here’s my take (my super-loyal-practically-to-a-fault friend Eve would disagree… because she has zero tolerance for liars). I say let it go, because confrontation with a minor deceiver will not get you anywhere that you want to go. First of all, the offender will most likely deny deceiving you. Second, because the offender won’ t acknowledge the deceit, it is unlikely the offender will apologize. Third- is it really an apology you want? An apology cannot erase the fact that you have seen their true colors. Minor deceit is typically more about disappointment than hurt, so an apology is useless.
Most of us aren’t willing to cut ties with a person over minor deceits. Why? Because most people realize that no one is perfect. I know my flaws, I know them well- and if you read this blog, you are more than aware of my opinionated nature. I know that I’m not perfect, no one is. Generally, people commit minor acts of deception because of their own problems which have nothing to do with the people they end up hurting. Minor acts of deception occur when individuals allow their own weaknesses to manifest.
These situations are challenging because people that commit minor acts of deception are not necessarily bad people. They are however, usually people that have obvious issues rooted in insecurity and jealousy, two very ugly characteristics. Personally, I choose to forgive most minor deceits and forego confrontation, because I pity anyway who is so affected by their own issues, that they would allow the issues to pervert a relationship.
At the end of the day we must all live with the choices we make- and in part- these choices define who we are, and some people can live with the fact that they suck. While I know I’m not perfect, I’ve worked hard to become the person I am, and I’m not ashamed to say I like me and I like what I represent- yeah yeah so I have a moral high horse- at least I’m not a faker. Anyone who would intentionally deceive a friend probably can’t say the same. In the end, I believe that the hurt these deceivers inflict on others is still less painful than the hurt they experience as a result of their own insecurities. I can look the other way, because it ain't that I'm too big to listen to the rumors, it's just that I'm too damn big to pay attention to 'em. Just keep my name outta your mouth and we can keep it the same.
