A Heart Vs. Ginger

We stared into each others' eyes. The Black Smoke Monster, and a scared little girl without a name. He looked like Locke, but as I sunk deep into his gaze, I realized he was not.

And as I fell into his trap, I realized I was still a stranger underneath my own skin. I sighed, and looked into the mirrors of the lighthouse. Trite how I longed to know who she was.

In the manmade lake that feels like an ocean, my most shallow questions feel deep. I feel LOST, I feel scared, I know I'm alone. I look west, and my spirit fades towards all my loves. When my eyes are closed my body is cold, the water slaps my cheeks, and the board beneath me is stiff. I wait patiently, I wait colorfully, and I ride until the whitewash swallows the sadness.

The Black Rock

Enough is never enough. Not for any of us. I can't lie though, I'm almost as guilty as everyone else.

And as I watched Sawyer and Kate argue, I watched her face fall into dissolution as Sawyer screamed, “We’re done going back.” It was the first time, in a long time, that I could actually feel someone’s convictions. His motivations mattered little, but it was a line in the sand.

Jack, right or wrong, was ready for more—part of me believed he wanted more. I thought this because I wasn’t entirely convinced that the Lock Ness Monster had jumped out of the ocean and carried him away. After everything that had happened, after everything I had given him, he still wanted more. And this more, gnawed at my raw little heart.

I looked at Sawyer like a dream. Kate was awestruck. We all knew he was right, but no one had had the guts to say anything. No one had done anything, and everyone, because of our humanness, remained a minion to the thought of more. As I watched Jack disappear, a wave of ugliness swept through me, bringing with it the evil of the Black Smoke. "Ill be right back," I called out, and went below to ask Lapidus if he had found Desmond's MacCutcheon. I had every intention of drowning the smoke monster inside me. But the smoke monster is quick, the smoke monster is scary- and even the most jaded and the most savvy, are blinded by the smoke. I wanted to suck it in, and bury it in my lungs.