Michael Vick... Meet the Son You Always Wanted

Speaking of senseless animal killings, is anyone else completely disgusted by the 5 year-old that shot and killed a black bear in Arkansas? Tre Merrit, an alleged ancestor of Davy Crockett (BFD), was hunting with his grandfather this week when they stumbled upon an innocent black bear. As such, Tre's grandfather told him to shoot, and he did (with his "youth rifle"- how appalling is that), killing the poor bear. Apparently, his grandfather shed tears of joy that the boy was able to murder the bear with one shot.

I mean, is this a sick joke? To start, why in the world would anyone teach a child to use a gun? Merrit began shooting and killing animals at 2. Where I come from, that's the sign of a serial killer. Last year, little kindergarden Tre shot and killed three deer. Isn't that lovely? This year, he bagged himself a bear. "I was up in the stand and I seen the bear," Merritt said. "It came from the thicket and it was beside the road and I shot it." If I were this kid's parents, I would be more concerned about his poor grammar rather than how many animals he can be trained to kill.


I believe it was (don't hold me to this) the Dali Lama that said a lot is revealed about a society by the way it treats animals. Let's apply that standard to this sicko family (I don't usually throw around insults like this, but nothing makes me angrier than the slaying of innocent animals). They kill for sport. That is so repulsive. I mean really, am I taking crazy pills, or is this not utterly repulsive. Don't believe me? Watch the video.

VICKtory for Dogs Everywhere

Not that justice could ever be fully served regarding the terror, torture, and pain that Michael Vick inflicted on innocent animals, but he is going to prison. I'll drink to that. Vick is set to serve at least 18 months (maybe longer) in prison for his involvement in dog fighting and animal abuse. Notably, Vick was convicted of federal crimes, so he's going to the federal pen, which sucks for him, and rocks for PETA, the Humane Society, and me.

In a press conference, Vick's lawyer spoke about how Vick accepts responsibility for "exercising bad judgment". First of all, Vick doesn't have a choice. Even his celebrity status isn't going to get him out of the sentence that the judge handed down to him (at least I hope not). Second, the fact that Vick and his lawyer would refer to the sadistic torture and murders of gentle dogs that couldn't be trained to fight as "bad judgment" is almost laughable. Bad judgment is stepping on the gas when the light is about to turn red; electrocuting gentle animals and drowning them because they aren't evil like you is sociopathic. Anyone that would commit the atrocities that Vick committed is plain wicked.

Now, while 18 months isn't an overwhelming sentence, consider the following. Vick is almost 28. He'll be close to 30 by the time he gets out of prison. Not that I'm an expert (OK I don't really know all that much about football), but I imagine those are crucial years in a player's career. Frankly, I find it comforting that not only will Vick spend time in prison, but also that his actions may have ended his career, or at least severely hampered it.

It's not like I expect that Vick will spend the next year or two thinking about how his actions are morally reprehensible and vile, because sociopaths don't have a conscience. However, it is important for our justice system to punish these perpetrators to the full extent of the law, so that other would-be-offenders might reconsider committing similar crimes.

I think it is almost important to note that PETA and the Humane Society, two of the world's biggest name in animal advocacy, play an instrumental role in these types of cases. PETA and the Humane Society worked hard to raise public awareness in this case, and also pressured sponsors to drop Vick. Having just written an academic piece on the media's ability to affect government policies through public awareness, it is inarguable that the public uproar in this case (primarily drummed up by the two groups) did not contribute to Vick's conviction and sentence. Another job well done by PETA and the Humane Society. Have fun in jail Vick. You suck.

To The Brits (Just the angry ones... happy Brits disregard!)

1) Who gave you permission to repost my blog on your site anyway? They have a name for that, oh yeah, it's called plagiarism

2) Why the hell are you people so angry? Who knew Jennifer Aniston had such a following and that it included a bunch of angry British people!?!? If you don't agree with me, that's fine... just chill out with the name calling... "loon", "stupid". It's poor practice. It has been my experience that usually people that deliver these types of aggressive and unwarranted insults have all types of problems of their own (and I work in a psychiatric facility so I'm pretty comfortable with this observation). In addition, guess all you very intelligent individuals missed the reference in the title of the blog you call so "stupid", huh?? Oh and by the way, for those of you writing "who cares about these people" blah blah blah, let's not forget you read my article on a celebrity gossip website. That's a bit hypocritical don't you think??

3) For those of you that continue to make remarks about Brad vs. Jen vs. Angelina- you all missed the point. The point is that it takes a strong man to appreciate a strong woman. Pitt and Jolie are what we call an example. I thought this would be an easier illustration of that point, rather than telling a story about my friend Bob, and his ex-wife Sally, and his new parter Jane- since because of the media, we all know about these people. Frankly, I don't think that point was so hard to miss. Unless of course....

4) I am posting my comments to your very helpful feedback here, because your site conveniently wont let me register.

5) Thanks for reading! suckkkaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssss

I Was Wrong: I Realize Now That I Was Wrong

I'm always claiming that I'll admit when I'm wrong, so here it is. Brad Pitt is the most beautiful man in the world, but not for the reasons that PEOPLE magazine gave him the title. Pitt appeared on Larry King Live on December 5th, 2007 to speak about his project "Making It Right" which supports rebuilding the 9th Ward in New Orleans. I (someone who was completely disgusted when Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie) could not believe Brad Pitt's depth.

To begin, he's intelligent. He speaks articulately and enthusiastically about architecture, Ethiopia, domestic and international politics, and of course "Making It Right". He's humble, self-aware, and secure with himself and who he is (and I don't mean physically). Pitt is also green. He explains that the new 9th Ward will be eco-friendly and that he is fascinated by the concept that within nature, we can exist without wasting. Pitt is also a vegetarian (OK- now I'm in love). And while these all contribute to his sex appeal, his respect for Angelina Jolie is the most beautiful and fascinating thing about him.

Several months ago, I wrote "the ego of an insecure man cannot sustain a good woman". According to Maureen Dowd (she's great by the way), Jane Fonda wrote that "men were attracted to her strong, independent spirit, but then tried to break it". Clearly, Brad Pitt is not the kind of man Fonda and I describe. Now one might laugh and think that appreciating Angelina Jolie shouldn't be that difficult. Though I'd bet my life, that if Angelina had an insecure partner, he would cheat. You don't think so? Let's recall Hugh Grant's infamous indiscretion with a prostitute named Pancake. Not all that surprising. Pathetic men cheat on women like Elizabeth Hurley because it makes them feel better about being losers.

At any rate, I am beginning to think, that perhaps Pitt (who I accused of being an asshole for doing so) left Aniston because Aniston did not offer the intellectual stimulation that Jolie does (actually, I'm the jerk because clearly, pretty has NOTHING to do with it). Let me be clear, I am not dissing Aniston. I'm sure she's a sweet girl, but perhaps Aniston doesn't have the depth and drive that Jolie has. Aniston is preoccupied with acting goals not relieving global suffering. Clearly Pitt admires and respects Jolie's work. Jolie, a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations Refugee Agency, has an extensive curriculum vitae of humanitarian accomplishments. In fact, she has accomplished so much since she began humanitarian work in 2001, that listing some of those accomplishments and not others would be completely arbitrary. I will include however, that she has entered into some of the world's most dangerous conflict zones to personally deliver aid, and notably, has always refused special accommodations.

Jolie is obviously a good woman, and Pitt knows it. That being said, when King asked Pitt about Jolie, Pitt responded "she is a woman of strong opinions and very specific beliefs and a great voice.... great intelligence... I respect it. She is a great leader as far as helping and changing... the world as we know it". Pitt is not intimidated by her intelligence, drive, and sophistication- he admits- he respects it. There is nothing sexier than a man that appreciates a good woman.

First of all, Pitt is a breath of fresh air as far as I'm concerned. Clearly, he loves Jolie not because of what she has to offer him (the reason most men love women), but because of who she is. This illustrates Pitt's depth and inner beauty. Second, Pitt completely debunks my theory- which was that aesthetically gorgeous men are emotionally and intellectually undeveloped. That's it people. That's all I really wanted to say. You were all right and I was wrong. The Brad Pitt bandwagon... not such a bad thing.

What's the Difference?

Trust is not something that should ever be taken lightly and unfortunately, even those closest to you have the potential to deceive. That being said, I am the most loyal friend anyone could ever dream of, and while I don’t expect the same level of loyalty in return from every single person in my life, I certainly appreciate my friends that also possess this quality. Recently however, I have wondered what is the most appropriate response to an otherwise good friend that behaves in a disloyal way?

Having been the object (I don’t like victim, thank you anyway) of many betrayals both small and large, I have spent a good deal of time pondering the type of response warranted by deceit. First, it is always necessary to assess the scale of deceit, because medium to large deceits are a whole other ballpark. For this conversation’s purpose, we will focus on minor deceits. Here’s my take (my super-loyal-practically-to-a-fault friend Eve would disagree… because she has zero tolerance for liars). I say let it go, because confrontation with a minor deceiver will not get you anywhere that you want to go. First of all, the offender will most likely deny deceiving you. Second, because the offender won’ t acknowledge the deceit, it is unlikely the offender will apologize. Third- is it really an apology you want? An apology cannot erase the fact that you have seen their true colors. Minor deceit is typically more about disappointment than hurt, so an apology is useless.

Most of us aren’t willing to cut ties with a person over minor deceits. Why? Because most people realize that no one is perfect. I know my flaws, I know them well- and if you read this blog, you are more than aware of my opinionated nature. I know that I’m not perfect, no one is. Generally, people commit minor acts of deception because of their own problems which have nothing to do with the people they end up hurting. Minor acts of deception occur when individuals allow their own weaknesses to manifest.

These situations are challenging because people that commit minor acts of deception are not necessarily bad people. They are however, usually people that have obvious issues rooted in insecurity and jealousy, two very ugly characteristics. Personally, I choose to forgive most minor deceits and forego confrontation, because I pity anyway who is so affected by their own issues, that they would allow the issues to pervert a relationship.

At the end of the day we must all live with the choices we make- and in part- these choices define who we are, and some people can live with the fact that they suck. While I know I’m not perfect, I’ve worked hard to become the person I am, and I’m not ashamed to say I like me and I like what I represent- yeah yeah so I have a moral high horse- at least I’m not a faker. Anyone who would intentionally deceive a friend probably can’t say the same. In the end, I believe that the hurt these deceivers inflict on others is still less painful than the hurt they experience as a result of their own insecurities. I can look the other way, because it ain't that I'm too big to listen to the rumors, it's just that I'm too damn big to pay attention to 'em. Just keep my name outta your mouth and we can keep it the same.

Happy Holidays From The Blacks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Larry and Loretta. Wow. I think the last time I was this satisfied from a television show was when E attacked Walsh in the middle of Barney’s on Entourage. I mean come on, Larry’s kind of an ass, but how can you not be happy for him when he pulls Loretta (a.k.a. Vivica A. Fox)?

First of all, it’s totally out of left field, and I love a good surprise- particularly because Curb can be a little predictable. Second of all, Loretta’s way cooler than Cheryl anyway- Cheryl was a bit stiff, but Loretta has edge. Lastly, she stands up to Susie Green, what more could Larry want in a woman? In the final moments of the episode, Susie is shown screaming and berating Larry, when all of the sudden Loretta appears and tells Susie “Who the fuck do you think you talkin’ to? No one talks to my man like that… you better get your ass out of my house ,you fuckin’ bitch”! GORGEOUS!!!!!!

There's So Many Frauds...

One of my favorite groups ever, Morcheeba (check them out, they rock), ask in one of their album titles "Who Can You Trust"? Let me help you kids out with this one, no one (but family, and dogs of course). Blame in on altruism, survival of the fittest, perhaps social responsibility theory can explain it- but the fact is that if you trust, nine times out of ten, you will be beset with regret. If you close your eyes for a second, turn your back for a moment, drop your guard just a bit- I assure you deceit and dishonesty will ravage you like a wild tiger (and no one loves big cats more than me). It’s pervasive. Really. Let me give you some examples.

I call the phone company to inquire about a problem with my landline (namely that a convict from the state pen keeps calling my house- but anyway...). The man I speak with tells me that he has to discuss the situation with a manager and he'll call me back. While I can't say with certainty that he didn't speak with his manager, I can tell you that he didn't return my call. What's sad, is that I was actually disappointed and found this situation completely disheartening- and this doesn't even pertain to my social or personal life. But speaking of...

How often do we run into people that say "call me", when what they really mean is "Damn, I hope I don't have to run into them again anytime soon...". Why do people say things that they don't mean? Why is deceit an acceptable social interaction between intelligent, free-willed, might-otherwise-be-honest-and-not-suck individuals? In fact, I am so used to people's bullshit that recently after getting in touch with an old high school friend through e-mail, she sent me her phone number with instructions to call her. Being so used to FAKERS (puke), I wrote her off and did not call her. Imagine my surprise to receive a follow up email, "what’s up with that girl, call me!!"

Some might call me cynical. Some might blame it on the drama in the LBC... because after all, it's kinda hard being... but that's not really the point. In my opinion, it’s this realistic and untrusting attitude that made living in L.A. so easy for me. Yeah there are some fakers (unlike Pittsburgh where everyone’s so fucking real), yeah there are some users but at LEAST they’re upfront about it- their like, real fakers- you know what they want from you (to pass their reel to your music producer roommate- whatever).

My friend Jess told me recently that she trusts everyone until they give her a reason not to. Not me, I don’t trust a soul in this universe without condition- and very little could convince me otherwise. To be honest this has served me well, and I don’t even mind getting that little reality check of minor deceit occasionally- because it's liars and fakers that keep me on my toes. It's not my fault that people are fakers, and personally, I’d rather be a cynic than a faker.

Ahmadinejad at Columbia

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at Columbia University yesterday afternoon. Many were appalled, offended, and angry. But don't be so quick to judge. Because as it turns out, Columbia has tact (when they aren't torturing animals...check PETA.com for further details).

Many schools would have welcomed the opportunity simply for political reasons. What's more, is that it's easy for academic institutions to do so and hide comfortably under the blanket of freedom of speech, so the political enhancement combined with the media attention would certainly be worth it. Not the case with Columbia.

While Columbia permitted Ahmadinejad (a former professor of engineering) to speak, he was publicly challenged and criticized by the University's President, Lee Bollinger (a former professor of medicine and biochemistry) from the moment Bollinger introduced him. As president of the University, Bollinger undoubtedly represents Columbia when he speaks. Bollinger made his hostile feelings for Ahmadinejad and his reign of terror known- a position the University should take if in fact they allow Ahmadinejad to speak.

While an academic institution should nurture an environment where all voices can be heard (much of Bollinger’s own academic career focused on first amendment issues), it should NOT suppress its own viewpoints and standards. Particularly in circumstances such as this one in which the speaker in question is a holocaust denier, a terrorist, and a cold-blooded killer. The only tactful way to provide Ahmadinejad with a platform is to have someone like Bollinger at the podium exposing him as the insane and cruel dictator he is.

Unfurtuous?

Unfortunately (and this wasn’t always the case), synagogue has begun to look like the ones on the sets of Entourage and Curb. This is even the case, this is ESPCIALLY the case, on the highest of holidays, Yom Kippur. Year after year I take note, year after year it gets worse- and for whatever reason- the rabbi won’t enforce a dress code. Well I will.

I request, with all due respect (of course) please:
• No fur
• No sleeveless tops
• No open toed shoes
• No cleavage
• No backless
• No overtly gaudy clothing worn specifically to draw attention to yourself

While this list my seem silly, it’s based on ridiculous ensembles which I have observed in temple. There are actually a few specific women, repeat offenders, that I look for now to see how offensive and disgusting their tasteless designer outfits are.

Listen people, if you think I’m being too judgmental consider the following. Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement, a day of sacrifice through fasting. A day Jews should use to look inward and attempt to right a year’s worth of wrongs. Isn’t it only appropriate that one should dress modestly for such an occasion? Isn’t it overtly despicable that one would think fur is acceptable? An animal is murdered in cold blood and skinned sometimes alive (yes- I belong to PETA) only to provide a fancy trim for one’s sweater? Truthfully, these women make me sick and when I see them, I want to throw up in my mouth. Furthermore, I am not at the point in my life where I have developed the ability to transcend that which irritates me- and consequently these designer worshippers distract me from my own atonement.

All I ask is that these women refrain from dressing like whores in a place that is suppose to be a house of worship. This still leaves many fashion options. It’s surprisingly possible to dress classy and still look good. And hey, if all else fails you can always carry one of those oversized, hardware clad, Gucci logo bags and remind everyone that your husband is a plastic surgeon even though his best work is covered up for the afternoon.

L.A.M.B: Lame And Miserable Ballad

If someone had told me that Gwen Stefani and Damian Marley, two of my all time favorites, had come out with a new song, I would have downloaded it from iTunes immediately without sampling it. Believe, when I turned on MTV hits and saw Gwen and Damian getting busy I was thrilled. Unfortunately, as bad as the video is (the long plaid shorts on the usually well-dressed Gwen are too disgusting for words)- the song “Now That You Got It” isn't much better.

I hesitated from the beginning to admit this statement. Part of me thought that the song might grow on me (I had a hard time with Garbage's third album and eventually grew to really cherish it). However, after a waiting period the results are in, and it’s not good.

The song is really bad. It's corny and cheesy, silly and dumb. It doesn't even really make any sense. The lyrics are so stupid I don't want to get into them (Gwenie Gwen Gwen has always had good lyrics- simple, but clever). Ugg. Just an overall disappointment.

The Next Big Thing In Psychiatric Treatment

Among the many endearing symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (hereinafter BDP) is self-mutilation. Working with many people who suffer from BDP at a local psychiatric facility, I have witnessed this behavior firsthand. I'll be honest, it's actually a little scary. Cutting is more common than one would think, and celebrities like Amy Winehouse and Angelina Jolie admit to this destructive behavior. Most cutters claim that they engage in the behavior because they are void of emotion, and feeling anything, even pain, is better than feeling numb.

But here's what I want to know, why not just get a Brazilian bikini wax? It hurts like hell and I'm willing to bet it hurts more than the superficial cuts most cutters make. Plus, there is the added bonus that your boyfriend will be thrilled. Is it me, or is this not a brilliant idea? I think I've stumbled on a solution that has been taunting mental health workers for years.

Gimme More? More Crack Maybe...

I would like to preface what I'm about to say, with this disclaimer- I love Britney Spears. I love her country bumpkin- pot smoking- I don't give a what attitude. She’s no snob- and in Hollywood- that’s respectable. That being said, what happened last night at the MTV Video Music Awards?

I’m baffled (probably shouldn’t be, but I am). I'd say she should fire all of her current staff- but I think she's done that a couple of times. However, if her choreographer hasn't been canned yet- it's CLEARLY time. The first thing I did as soon as she left the stage (besides remind myself to make an appointment ASAP for colored contacts) was call my best friend Becky to ask her what the hell just happened.

Britney looked like a train wreck. I'm not calling her fat by ANY stretch- but that body was a far cry from a few years earlier when she slithered around the stage with a python- which still encourages my own situp routine to this very day (don’t throw any post-baby rhetoric at me either- Heidi Klum walked the Victoria Secret Runway Show only 6 weeks after giving birth to her second child). Incidentally- I caught a glimpse of Brit’s 2002 performance on MTV Hits just minutes before the new award show- and it unfortunately illustrated how far downhill poor Brit Brit has traveled.

First of all, her dance moves were like my moms at the END of a bar mitzvah after she's had a couple glasses of wine and slowed down (my moms 54). Second of all, she was stoned. And if she wasn't stoned at that exact moment- she’s clearly smoked herself to the point of paranoia- because she looked freaked out. The lip-synching was off- ugg- it was a mess. Trust me, when 50 Cent and Nelly look concerned- it’s time to ask Jamie Foxx for some of his coke (poor poor poor Jennifer Garner).

Wake up Brit. I love you girl, but you gotta get yourself together. I wasn’t really concerned when you drove around with the kid on your lap- I mean you’re right- you ARE country like that. I wasn’t even concerned when you dropped one of them- nor when you threw out all of your underwear. How about this: I wasn’t even concerned when you married K Fed. I am now, legitimately WORRIED as I have never seen a performer- especially a performer with as much stage presence and talent- waddle through a performance with the look of a deer in headlights.

At this point, Brit's train wreck is like the War in Iraq. What the hell do we do now???? I can’t even fathom an answer that would right all of the wrongs. I mean my god- K Fed's lawyers are probably dying to introduce that toxic performence into evidence in court. I don't know Brit, lets start small I guess- have a cup of coffee- WITH espresso. But hey, like we always said during recruitment rush let's end on a positive. Great song!

I'm GOING To Say It Anyway!

Why can't I speak the damned truth wthout a rukus (shut up, I'll spell check this at a later date). I mean seriously, even if you give me a hard time, WHICH I KNOW YOU WILL, I'm going to speak my mind anyway even if it is corny, played out, lame, and/or stupid (that's your opinion and you're welcome to elaborate if you see the need- just don't act surprised when I do). In fact, if I'm hassled about my TRUTHTELLING, I will tell more truths. So please, chill about my opinoins and about anything else that might illustrate how absurd I can be. DEAL WITH IT!!!!!

Half Full, Half Empty- Who Cares?

Life is a weird thing, when you think about it. IF you think about it. If you don't, sometimes that's for the better. If you can convince yourself that oblivion equals happiness and forego truth, ignoring reality's harshness might have its own reward. However, if you're a thinker, an analyzer, an artist or a writer, or just have an i.q. over 90, you've probably pondered some pretty fucked up things in life.

Yesterday I was speaking with a friend who was born with an illness that has, and will continue to, challenge him both physically and mentally for the rest of his life. Understandably, on one particularly difficult day, he expressed his exasperation with living with the disease and its effects. What's amazing about my friend (besides what he's already overcome) is that in the middle of his frustration, he said, "I know people have it worse than I do...". My friend still appreciates life, and values it, despite the fact that he has dealt with more shit then so many people in this world who are stuck somewhere between ignorance, privilege, and entitlement. There is no doubt, there are ugly things in the world. Serial killers, child molesters, the African AIDS epidemic- the list is long. But just like there is bad, there is a lot of good. There's ENOUGH good- at least for most of us to appreciate what we have.

For my sorority’s senior bar tour we had tee shirts made that read, "Some ask if the glass is half full, some ask if the glass is half empty, Phi's just ask for another". It's actually a very complex statement. Shut up, it is. Its pointless to argue whether good outweighs bad or vice versa. There IS good, so what's the purpose in dwelling on the bad? Too many people focus on the world's and their own negatives, rather than the positives. And frankly, I think that sucks.

Response to Shara: The Young Professional's: Men are Pigs, and I Love Bacon

My friend Shara recently wrote a hilarious blog, "Men Are Pigs, and I Love Bacon". In this masterpiece, Shara: The Young Professional, questions why since she and all her friends are so beautiful, witty, intelligent, funny, can drink you under the table, etc., they cannot find good men (no- they do not live in LA).

First, very simply, because more women are better than more men- many women end up lowering their good-man-standards. Good women outnumber good men. There are many "crazies, liars, and losers" and only a few good men (couldn't help it, sorry). But it’s deeper than that.

Among these remaining good men, some of them prefer to date women they feel are inferior to them. Several months ago, I was having dinner with my friend Nina when a couple of guys sitting at the table next to us overheard our discussion and interrupted. "Are you two hotties (something really corny like that) really getting PhDs??" Nina giggled (for affect- brilliant) and said, "No silly, we work in retail". Her statement was met with instant excitement. And to think that the teacher in Mean Girls advises LiLo not to "dumb herself down" to get a man. Don't question Lindsay. Ever! Those weren't even her pants.

Anyway Shara, to answer your question, the problem with you and your friends sounds like the same problem with me and my friends. The problem is that it's not us, but rather a vile little epidemic called male insecurity. Too many men are intimidated by intelligent women with rockin' bodies. Because even some of the "good" ones (good- lets discuss this at a later date shall we?...) are so insecure, they prefer to date women that they feel are below them.

Just like Shara "knows" she and her friends are good catches, I KNOW just how ugly and rotten male insecurity really is. The sad and pathetic truth is that the ego of an insecure man cannot sustain a good woman.

All those adjectives Shara uses...beautiful, nice, hilarious, will create sexual tension with a coffee table and then dance on it after drinking you under the table (my favorite line)... are in fact- in today's male dominated society- debilitating. My advice? If you really want a boyfriend, put on whatever weight you can, take your diplomas off the wall, and get a job that will allow you to wear low cut shirts all the time. However, if you genuinely don't give a shit like Shara and me, and enjoy your freedom and independence, then welcome to the fascinating world of women who refuse to be held down by losers… and therefore, we’ll dance on any table we see fit thank you.

What's Wrong with LA?

Hiking through Runyon Canyon the other day, I was befriended by a guy with a pure bread/UNneutered dog (telling). Eventually, and not surprisingly given my infatuation with the show, we began to discuss Entourage. Since I am a firm believer that much can be deduced about a person based on who his favorite Entourage character is, we exchanged answers. His: Ari. Mine: E.

Would you believe this guy looked at me with a straight face and said, "Eric! Are you serious? HE'S what's wrong with THIS town". This statement troubles me on many levels.

First of all, while enjoying Ari as a television character is perfectly acceptable, as a person he sucks and furthermore, HE embodies WHAT'S WRONG WITH LA. There are many examples which I could use to illustrate this point, but I think we can all agree if he were real (or if Ari Emanuel is anything at all like he’s depicted) he's just plain mean. Funny yes, but mean- very. Secondly, he is the epitome of the LA hot shot slickster (as I like to call them). If you live in LA, or have ever dated a guy from LA, you know what I'm talking about. (Remind me to show this article to my neighbor who warned me about men in LA before I moved here- I totally wrote him off and then made fun of his comments behind his back). The LA hot shot slickster drives an expensive foreign car, screams into his cell phone in public venues, and thinks he's cooler than I think I am (and trust me, THAT is saying something just ask my friend Jess).

On the other hand, there's E. E is your stereotypical LA import. Somehow despite making some money, he maintains his east-coast attitude, he's thankful for his success, he attempts to get along well with others, and he respects women. I mean, my god, he can't have unemotional sex! Believe me when I tell you, E is NOT the problem with the industry.

In fact, "the problem" that people are referring to with respect to LA, is that people like this guy from Runyon see guys like E as the problem, while worshipping people like Ari. While Ari is in fact a very engaging character, the fact remains he is just a character, and attempting to emulate him in real life will not yield good karma. If more industry people were like E, I would hang out more in Hollywood and less in Venice. Furthermore, I wouldn't crack up every time I see some hot east coast guy on the Westside wearing a backwards hat and a t-shirt that reads "industry people suck".

Actually, it is LEGAL to be Annoying

There is no doubt that Nancy Grace is one of, if not the most annoying person on television. But friend, that's perfectly within her constitutional rights, and y'all can't sue her for it. That's really the bottom line here. The family of Melinda Duckett (who killed herself following an interview in which Grace insinuated Duckett was involved in her son’s disappearance) is suing the CNN reporter for wrongful death.

While I hesitate to call Grace a journalist, the fact remains that she does report (for a lack of a better word) the news and conduct interviews as she sees fit (if you want to throw up in your mouth, search youtube for her particularly nauseating interview with Elizabeth Smart- the only redeeming value to the clip is when Smart finally puts Grace in her place). While Grace might in fact bring shame to the field of journalism because she sucks, the questions she posed to Duckett were perfectly legitimate. In fact, I can’t even fathom a question that would justify wrongful death. While it does appear from the interview that Grace feels Duckett was involved with the child’s disappearance- so the f what? It’s called subjective reporting people, deal with it. Not everyone can be as objective as Bill O’Reilly and I are.

Reprimanding Grace in ANY way for interrogating Duckett would clearly (as Grace’s lawyers rightfully assert) threaten and “severely chill” the media coverage given to missing people. In addition, if Grace were sanctioned , the way journalists interview across the board would be severely hampered. Not to mention, that it’s just ridiculous to claim that one can prove that Grace’s actions caused Duckett to kill herself. Clearly, it’s within the realm of possibility that Duckett was experiencing psychiatric problems which were associated with the decision kill herself. Or perhaps Duckett was involved with the disappearance of her son and that contributed to her decision to shoot herself. Despite the disgusting taste supporting Nancy Grace might leave in your mouth, it’s the right thing to do.

Jessica Lunsford's Killer to Death Row

My friend Jesse (not to be confused with Jess) has a bumper sticker on her car which reads "Why do we kill people who kill people to show people that killing is wrong". While I'm not entirely committed to death penalty (mainly because appeals cost millions of dollars), I feel like there's a pretty simple answer to that question. We DON'T kill people to SHOW that killing is wrong, we kill people to rid the world of evil- at least with respect to the death penalty.

John Evander Couey kidnapped, raped, and murdered nine-year old Jessica Lunsford by burying the child alive. Couey is one sick individual. As far as I can see (and if you don't agree you're as crazy as he is), the only options are life in prison or the death penalty- because as we all know, if you let these lunatics out of jail, they will continue to hurt little girls.

So, while I'm still unsure where I stand with respect to the death penalty, I'm certainly not losing any sleep over the fact that Couey will be dead in a couple years. What I really want to point out though, is the question, "Why do we kill people who kill people to show people that killing is wrong" is a tricky and manipuliative phrase which doops the observer (should you be so gullable) into assuming that we are killing to make a point- when in fact, we kill people like Couey to make the world a safer place.

Really? Nicole's Pregnant?

I feel like I'm the only one that's shocked by this news. Honestly, just when I thought that nothing could ever shock me, Nicole Richie gets pregnant. But here's what I want to know. HOW??

It brings me back to college when a friend once bragged to me that she was so skinny, she had stopped menstruating. Yes, I said BRAGGED and that's a true story. But doesn't that raise a good point? How in god's name, did that skeleton get pregnant? She must be fertile Myrtle. Plus, with who-knows-what she puts into that sack of bones she calls her body, it's a god damned miracle she was able to conceive. As far as I'm concerned, Nicole Richie's carrying the Messiah if it survives.

I Would Totally Let My Kids Listen to JoJo

As I sat in bumper to bumper today on the 10, crawling toward Santa Monica during rush hour, I listened to the radio because truthfully I was too lazy to change my CDs. If you want to take it one step further, I'm actually too lazy to get the thingy which connects an ipod to a car (eh hem, Jess) but whatever, I'm busy so cut me a break please, thank you. Anyway, JoJo (you know who she is so stop pretending like you don't), was on the radio. "It's just too little too late" blah blah blah. It's catchy, so I let it play. I thought I was hallucinating when I heard her mention something about moving on and loving herself, because really, super pop isn't that deep.

I got home and looked up the lyrics. Imagine my surprise. Jojo (I think she's about 14), knows more about life, love and relationships than most women my own age. No really. Read:

I was young and in love
I gave you everything but it wasn't enough
And now you wanna communicate
Go find someone else
In letting you go, I'm lovin myself
You gotta problem
But don't come askin me for help

I'm shocked. Mostly by the part that reads, "in letting you go, I'm lovin myself". Perhaps it would be slightly deeper with a "g" attached to lovin' but let's not split hairs. The point people is that every psychologist in the world (including my mommy and she is soooo smart) will tell you with respect to ANY AND ALL relationships, they can only be happy and healthy ones if you love yourself. Most people I know LARGELY overlook loving the self. I readily admit, I used to be one of them.

My mom has always stated, that it’s impossible to love someone that treats you poorly and love yourself simultaneously. Basically, the two are mutually exclusive. If you love yourself, you wouldn't love someone that treats you poorly. If you love someone that treats you poorly, you clearly don't love yourself. Rock on Jojo. Rock on.

What Entourage Can Teach Us About Friendship

Of course Ari sold some studio on the dream team... you know, Vinnie, E, and Walsh- without first discussing the idea with Eric. Not surprisingly, E didn't want to produce if Walsh was directing. Let's recall that Walsh had just emphasized his disdain for E by telling him if he ever meets his mother he's "gonna f*ck her" along with wearing a shirt that read, "suits suck". Clearly, E and Walsh are not fit to work together.

That being said, because E is both Vince's manager and best friend, both friends would have faced a predicament- that is, if they were to act like bickering school girls. What’s remarkable about Vinnie and E's friendship is the respectful and effective way that they communicate. Within minutes, both characters resolve that Vince should do the movie with Walsh because it’s perfect for Vinnie and good for his career. E understandably volunteers to return to managing and the thought of fostering resentment toward his best friend for agreeing to work with Walsh never crosses his mind.

Why aren't all relationships this NORMAL?? It seems obvious, right? Vinnie should do the movie with Walsh because he wants to, but should understand why E doesn't want to be a part of it. E on the other hand, should respect that fact that Vinnie wants to move forward with Walsh as director, and return to managing non-begrudgingly.

The point?? That's the way real friends should act. Real friends should respect you. Real friends should support you. Real friends should never undermine you. Real friends should understand if you want to get as close as possible to Billy Walsh because he's so fucking crazy sexy cool. Wait, I'm sorry, I got distracted. What were we talking about???

Read it. Love it.

Thank god for industry friends. If not for my friends in high places, eh hem- Jess and Z, then I would still be making fun of bloggers rather than just blogging (ewww that's actually worse than the noun). At any rate, this is the road so many freelance writers have taken before me, and I'm a follower, not a leader. So here I go. READ IT. LYB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!