Nobody Likes Being Played

Recently, I have been applying for jobs (puke). Really, it's a nightmare. Every aspect of this endeavor has been unpleasant. This may or may not come as a surprise, but it is quite difficult to find a job that "meshes well" with one's personality, morals, blah blah blah. Yes, it's true, a good job is hard to find.

There was one particular organization that really, and I mean really, wanted me. But despite this company's dedication to recruiting me, something kept me from accepting. Without getting too far off topic, I will just say, that I didn't think that this job was for me. However, because this job was so overwhelmingly intellectually stimulating, I decided I had to give it a try. Contrary to what I suspected, the job turned out to be amazing, and my expectations regarding other areas of stimulation within the organization were beyond satisfied. I decided to sign with the company.

Imagine this, the company withdrew its offer. Really? After such a relentless pursuit? I'm shocked (is anyone else tired of me saying that nothing shocks me.... only to follow up such statements with another piece of "shocking" news, I am). I mean, my curriculum vitae hadn't changed. My grades hadn't dropped (ok...ever so slightly... but for real). Lately I have desperately pondered, spent my nights awake and I wonder, what I could have done in another way... Why did the organization back peddle on me? Did they find a better candidate for the job that was suppose to be mine? Was this the organization's plan from the beginning?

Angry, I called my old boss for advice. Although I hadn't worked for my ex-boss for years, for some reason I thought this was a good idea. I mean, we have remained good friends and are still on good terms. The moment I walked into my old building, I felt reassured. The familiarity of the it, my old co-workers, and my boss were all comforting. Though I was a little taken back when my boss offered me my old job back.

Let me explain. At the time, I really loved everything about this job, and actually thought that I might be happy with it forever. But I was very young, and did not know myself the way I do now. More, I was a completely different person. Nonetheless, I ultimately ended up leaving the organization because of extenuating circumstances that made it impossible for me to continue working there. Soon after that, I got a new job and began a new career and never looked back. Until now, as I sat in my former boss's office, actually considering going back (unemployment will make you do crazy things).

So now what? Truthfully, I have no idea. But evidently Nina's right, reason will not lead to solution. A good surfer chick friend of mine recently asked me what the benefits of going back to work are when one can receive unemployment. Now, I'm not going to get into that because that is an entire separate can of worms. However, I will say, if you don't have a choice in the matter, than you may as well enjoy the time off... otherwise, go back to your old job and see if things have changed (question, not a statement)?? Why aren't I a Hilton heiress?? Why do I feel like I should be eating ice cream and watching Notting Hill?